I am a 'fan-of' the face book page "Breastfeeding" (also "If breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over YOUR head!"). I will explain both pages, although one will kind of lead into the other.
Breastfeeding. It's pure. It's natural. It's bonding. It's also not for everyone. (This posting is not directed at the very few women who legitimately can not breastfeed, whether it be they just have defective breasts, or because they have to take medication that really would be a VERY bad thing for the baby)
I have heard many reasons to breastfeed your baby, and really, you can't argue any of the reasons. It's cheap, it's portable (well, as long as you are with baby, LOL!), it offers baby comfort and bonding with Mom, the milk won't go bad, it's convienant, and that's not even taking into account the volumes of health benefits that it provides the baby.
I have also heard many reasons NOT to breastfeed, almost all of which you can argue. Modesty, sexual 'usage' is a turn off, work, time, effort, bonding with the rest of the family, the list goes on and on. All of them can be overcome.
I knwo that for a lot of women, they try and then there's a point when it's just not something they like or enjoy. Fine, you tried (and I mean put a solid 4-5 weeks of steady trying, not just while they are in the hospital...). I can't say much. I would of course love to see that you continued to put effort into it, but you gave baby a great start, so that's better then nothing.
I have a beef with women who won't even try. I want to jump on their beds and tell them to get their heads out of their ass and at least give it a go. You have a healthy term baby, and there is no reason other then (let's pick one here...) modesty that you are NOT going to breastfeed, or even attempt to? What? Really? Seriously? Not even a try at it?
Bitch.
Oh, well, I suppose it's possible that you have gathered that I was witness to a very similar situation. She was anti-breastfeeding, for modesty issues, "a baby sucking on me? no way". I couldn't grasp it. Here she was, bringing a baby into this world, and absolutely REFUSED to have ANY part of breastfeeding (wouldn't even pump I think, although, honestly at the time, I didn't realize that was an option). Didn't she get that 1 month of breastfeeding would do wonders health wise for her baby, who, irony, had CHRONIC ear infections....could BFing have avoided it? Perhaps, there is enough evidence to support that it may have, so yeah... I just didn't get it. One month of time, just try it, you may like it..NO!
I don't have much respect for that. I have respect for the women who tries it, and it's not for them. I have respect for women who can't, but really wanted to. I have respect for mothers who are in situations where it's just not gonna happen after maternity leave. I get it.
But to say, nope, sorry, that's just...eiew.
Having a baby is not weird and 'eiew'?
I don't know. It just really bugs me that there are those out there who won't even give it the time of day, especially with every thing we know it offers our babies.
I remember sitting in my hospital room after Liam was born. I was pumping because Liam was in the NICU, and Jeff's Mom was there. Her and I were talking (I could tell she was not entirely comfortable, where as I knew I was providing for Liam, so didn't really phase me at all.) With Jeff and his older sister, Bfing was not the 'in thing'. It just wasn't done. While I disagreed with it (not to her, this was more internal thought) I understood it. It's similar (although FAR less damaging) then the circumcision issue, 'go with the flock' thinking.
Turns, out, thoughts had changed when Jeff's younger sister was born, and she was breastfed. I was so happy to hear that, and really couldn't say anything. She said she was more of the modest type (I think that was more of a statement brought about by the fact that I was pumping right next to her, no modesty at all, LOL!) but she did it...awesome!
Anyway, that was a sign of the times, and how times change. I know my Mom breastfed me, but I turned it down early, at about 4 months she said. I was done with it. Nothing to be done abo9ut it, but break out the formula and go on.
Kae was breastfed until about 6 months, then breast and bottle until about 9 months, then mainly bottle...she was a biter too...UGH!
Liam, he's STILL a boob boy, almost 2 years later. I suppose I was lucky though. He got bottles in the NICU (Boy was I PISSED!) but once we got him out, I was fortunate enough to have a bottle that was not full enough for his liking, and while Jeff was putting more in, Liam turned his head, and went MOMMA MILK! And boob he has been ever since.
There are babies who are given bottles in the hospital, and they never get back to the boob. I understand that, and mothers who go for formula, well, I don't like it, but I get it, because pumping is really a whole different animal, and for some women, an animal that doesn't work well (if at all) for them...
So...yeah, that was a ramble...rant...a something.
A few weeks ago I was at the Montshire, and saw a woman BFing her baby. I wanted to stop and tell her how beautiful it was to see, but I didn't. I didn't want to spook her if she was the modest type...but it was, I loved seeing it, but I also know that there was someone else who was glaring at her...
Babies gotta eat too. It's natural. She was covered, her baby was covered, but I could see the look.
I have often thought that the people who have public breastfeeding issues stopped and put a blanket over their head while they ate, they probably would get a different perspective.
Somewhere a breast went from nourishment/sexual object to sexual object/nourishment.
If you can't figure out when a breast is being rubbed cause a guy wants to 'get off' as opposed to when it's being rubbed because the baby is trying to encourage 'let down' then you need to fuck off and put a blanket over your higher then thou self absorbed head.
And that's that!
12 comments:
I would comment, but sheesh, you don't comment on mine. ;)
Oh wait, I just did. DAMMIT!
Hopefully Liam stops soon. heehee
First, I will say that my first and only (so far) has been 100% breastfed since day 1. We've gotten over some issues, but at just over 9 months, we're still nursing.
But I have an issue with judging women who choose not to. I don't think it's fair. We have a hard enough time as moms (and dads) trying to figure these kids out, what they need, want, should need, should want, etc. I know plenty of formula fed babies who are just as healthy as breastfed babies. (And a LOT of breastfed babies with chronic ear infections). I would hate to think a mom would be miserable with nursing, but sticking to it because of pressures from society, other moms, etc. That's bad for mom AND baby. I will be glad to give it up when he's 1. If I had to go back to work before that, I would most likely give it up, and would feel guilty because of said pressures. I think that was part of my issue when I thought I was drying up a few weeks ago - that I wasn't ok with it because of the fear of being judged, and also feeling like a failure. Pumping gets stressful, and to have to find time during work to do it is stressful. Or moms who had to go back to work pretty much right away, and decided not to breastfeed. I don't know, there's just so much to parenting, so many different ideas, and perspectives, I think it's important that we support eachother, rather than judge eachother. Especially something like this where it's not hurting the child.
Breastfeeding in public - I do it if I have to, and I cover up. Yes, it's natural, and breasts are for nourishment, I get that, but I think maybe it should still be private, as in covered up. Babies are hungry when they're hungry, and they don't care if you're in the middle of the grocery store, agreed. Relieving our bladders and bowels are natural, having sex is natural, yet we don't do that in public. When I used to work, I had women all the time in my office, 2 feet away from me, and facing me, just rip open their shirts and feed their babies and it always unnerved me. I was a complete stranger, and they had no problem exposing their breasts to me. If I was a man, would they have done that? I just don't think it's appropriate in certain situations. Again, I know breasts were intended to be for nourishment, but that has changed whether we like it or not, and there's nothing we can do to change it back.
And I know you are entitled to your opinion, after all, this IS your blog. I just ask that you try to be a little more open minded. Delete this if you want. Hate me, that's fine too. I just felt like I had to add my 2 cents.
Mollie in response to your post, I don't think that she is judging people who don't nurse. She said people who don't nurse, that is up to them, she said it bothers her if they don't try, those are two completely different statements. Also, just to give another point, it's proven that if you just give your baby breast milk for the first 2 weeks of life there is a huge benefit to that.
I wish people would try nursing as well, because I think it's worth trying. I have tried very hard to get all of my children here, I think it's worth trying to nurse, at least giving it a go.
Also, this is Iiri we are talking about, she isn't going to hate you or delete you. If anyone values and excepts someone elses opinions, it's her.
Mollie, I AM open minded. I am probably one of the MOST open minded people you will ever meet, so don't get all "be a little more open minded" on me, it's a waste of your breath.
I DO rip my shirt open in front of ANYONE when my baby is hungry. He's hungry, I don't give a rats ass who looks, or doesn't. Male or female, just so you know. If a bottle fed baby doesn't need to 'hide' while he or she is eating, neither does a breastfed baby, and that's the HUGE problem in my opinion. If you don't like to see it, then don't look.
I have an issue with people who don't TRY to breastfeed their babies...if after you TRY it's not for you, fine, but TRY, don't just say fuck it from day one. (With the rare medical exception). T-R-Y. That's all I ask.
Thank you Tracy. I appreciate your sticking up for me. I guess Mollie doesn't quite know how I roll yet huh? LOL!
a quote from YOUR blog mollie, quoting MYSElF, thanks...
"As far as the BFing, if you want to supplement, that's fine, I know you know this, but if you're not ready yet, the only other thing I can suggest is maybe add a feeding/pump session, and drink a glass or two more water. I know that when I felt that my supply was going down, adding a little extra water and a little more 'demand' helped. If you're ready to go for formula, then go for it! 9 months is awesome in and of itself! "
;)
"I have a beef with women who won't even try. I want to jump on their beds and tell them to get their heads out of their ass and at least give it a go. You have a healthy term baby, and there is no reason other then (let's pick one here...) modesty that you are NOT going to breastfeed, or even attempt to? What? Really? Seriously? Not even a try at it?
Bitch."
If that isn't judgement, I don't know what is. How is another woman's choice to breastfeed or notbreastfeed any of your business?
I know all the benefits to breastfeeding, and I am a proud breastfeeding mom, so this is not me defending myself.
The other day you posted something about putting Liam on a leash. In MY opinion it's barbaric. Animals need leashes, not children. But I wouldn't bash you for it, because it's none of MY business. (I wouldn't have even brought that up, but I needed an example.) Just like it's none of anyone's business who decides to not even try breastfeeding.
I guess we have different views on what open minded means. To me, it means considering all parts of the story, understanding them, and not berating people for making the decision they've made, just because it wasn't the decision you made.
And breastfeeding openly in public with out cover vs. bottle feeding? It's not the fact that the baby is eating, it's the exposed breast vs. bottle. Come on.
I do know how you roll. "This is my opinion, and if you don't agree with me, then you can go fuck yourself."
And I do actually agree with a lot of what you have to say!!! But there is a difference in putting your opinion out there, and ostracizing people who don't believe in what you believe in. And yes - you are a very warm person, and I greatly appreciated your support when I thought I was drying up, given your stance on breastfeeding.
I've had a hard time with finding the words for these responses, because it seems like you're 2 different people sometimes, and it's pretty intimidating!
Wow, really.
Bare breast offense. SO is some fat people eating, but you know what. It's how we survive.
What is sexual about breastfeeding? Are guys suppose to be shirted at all times? They are 100% identical. (Yes men can breastfeed their babies, in theory. The body is there to do it).
You come off strong and saying you're non-judgemental... yeah right!
Re-read what the blog was, re-read what was said, and re-read your responses. Heaven forbid someone express their opinion in THEIR blog and get all bitchy as well. You don't agree, just say you don't agree, then go off into your world and write about it.
perhap that's judgement, perhaps this is also my blog as well. I do know women who have chosen not to breastfeed, or even try, but i am still friends with them (and they are friends with me)so if it's THAT judgemental that I feel so strongly that even an attempt is made to breastfeed i must be one damn lucky woman to have ANY friends, especially those who have children or situations that I have SUCH differing opinions of.
a bare breast in public, taboo...a bare breast in public with a baby eating from it, beautiful. how can we accept teenage girls walking about with shorts so short you can see their vagina's, and shirts so low cut that nipple is barely covered, but NOT accept a baby eating, from bottle OR breast?
Cover the bottle feeders, and then maybe we can talk about covering the breast feeders.
I'm not going to apologize for coming off as harsh, that is part of who i am, and I suppose that is what i was trying to get at with that quote you so thoughtfully found for me ("This is my opinion, and if you don't agree with me, then you can go fuck yourself.") i do not have a problem with differing opinions, but this being a place where I supposedly have the right to say (and I guess judge) as I want, how can you, in good arguement, come and judge what I have said not even two breaths after telling me to not be so judgemental?
As far as the leash thing, yeah, i know many people don't like it. I don't either, as a general rule, but to me, putting a backpack monkey on my son, with a LONG tail for me to hang onto is a much better idea then letting him run free down the main highway while on a walk. Or wait, should I squelch his independence and force him to sit confined in his stroller or hold hands, screaming and flailing the entire way down the road while cars whiz by going 55-65 miles per hour with no sidewalk, just 3 feet (if that) to our right?? I would rather have a happy (and yet still confined) child...not sure about you.
I'm really not sure what you want me to say. i am not going to apologize, i have done, nor said, nothing wrong. While I have strong opinions, that's who I am. I am not afraid to voice them, even if it does come across as judgemental. You can ask virtually anyone who knows me. I is who I is.
So if My post, and responses, came off as judgemental to you, so be it, what else can I say?
It REALLY pisses me off when women don't try breastfeeding, and it REALLY pisses me off when people forget that a breast is for food, and not something that needs to be covered up (that is, unless you live in a culture where your ankles need covered, or your belly button, or your wrist, or your foot, or your knee etc...that may be an exception) but here, we freely bare body parts that have an every day function (and in some teens cases, some more private areas, and that's PURELY sexual, who are we kidding to argue that?), and for a breastfeeding mother, her breasts are just as used as her ankles.
by-passing all that came before:
i love that you're such a fan of BFing! i wish i could have really nursed my guys, instead of pumping exclusively & i'm going to try my d*mnedest with #3. if i had any doubts about the benefits of breastmilk they vanished when i saw my babies, who were struggling to digest the formula they got in the NICU before my milk came in (they didn't want them losing weight, so we couldn't wait the 4-5 days for my boobs to kick into gear). as soon as they started gettting breastmilk exclusively, they just took off-- they could digest everything, their breathing improved, they put on weight, it was pretty much miraculous. breastmilk rocks, no matter how you get it into your kid(s)! i really wish more women would try it...
Yeah, I am not going to comment on the comments.
What I am going to say is this. While you know I am not a breastfeeder, I 100% agree that breast IS best, as a formula feeding mom I know this.
I will also say this, with my first two I didn't try. I was told I would never ever be able to breastfeed. It wasn't until Rylee that I discovered that yes I can try. I could never get her to latch, but I pumped for 6-9 weeks. With C by the time he was ready I was dry. BUT for the critical time in his development, he got the liquid gold.
Hooray for boobies!!
OK, me personally, I am a modest BFer. I was raised to not wear short shorts or tube tops and yadda yadda (though I admit to wearing tight clothing most of the time, but I'm a dancer, that's typical clothing for dancers and that's what I'm comfy in. anyways...). So that is how I roll, I try to keep covered around brothers, my dad, and other men, as well as at church and things... around other women I don't worry as much, if it's someone I'm comfortable around. Would I be bothered if I was out and about and a woman just whipped it out for everyone to see? Yeah, probably, but I'd be happy that she's at least feeding her babe the good stuff. Besides, most of the women I've seen nurse in public have kept things pretty well covered, even if they don't use a blanket or anything to cover up.
OH, and because of how modest we are in my family, my brothers and dad would have a heart attack if they saw baby sister/daughter's bewb. LOL
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