A couple friends of mine are pregnant,a nd they use at home dopplers to keep a check on their babies, to make sure things are going the way they should. I understand it, I really do, but for some, I think there comes a time of almost obsessive doppler use. Not everyone, and one of my friends just said she uses hers once a day, for re-assurance, fine! I think that's perfect, but, I also think that at home dopplers can really be more harm then good sometimes. I have seen SO many times a woman freaking out because she can't find babies heart beat. I even had one friend, her hubby took the doppler away and hide it, because it was making her so worried. That's the flip side , and why it think dopplers, while fun to have, should only be used with a doctors thumbs up.
The idea is to keep track of baby, and know baby is ok. You can hear the heartbeat, and feel re-assured. Until you can feel them moving about (around 20 weeks or so) for some women, it's really a sanity saver. Use at your own risk though, because baby is also squirmy, and small enough, that a doppler won't ALWAYS find the heart rate. That is the problem. While not finding a heart beat isn't a bad thing, those of us who have lost babies during pregnancy, it is a cause for alarm and panic.
I never got a doppler for my pregnancies. I know how hard it is for professionals to find heartbeats, so for me to find one, I know myself to know that I would have panicked if I couldn't, let's leave it at that, especially after losing the twins. I know this.
A friend mentioned today that she found her babies heart rate this morning, and then couldn't this afternoon. I, being me, told her to relax, that I hated home dopplers because of that, and that I wanted her to relax. Cut and dry, she said she wasn't worried, I went on a "me tangent"(meaning, I was being myself, not beating around the bush etc etc...) and she told me her pregnancy to her was like me having another twin pregnancy, and worrying about TTTS (thanks, two days after their birth /Angel days, just when I was coming back out of my (depression?). Thanks. Appreciate it.). Ok, fair enough, I don't know how she would feel, she's right, and I can't tell her to stay positive and stay away from thoughts that are negative.
What I do know.
I was terrified of being pregnant with twins again, I would have accepted it, but I was still terrified. Then, when I was told at 7 weeks (and absolutely positively not twins at 12 weeks) I was ok. Then, one week after my pregnancy milestone (25 weeks) I was told my cervix was shortening, and then I was having issues with pre-term labor, which, in case any of you remember, I had a vertical c-section to deliver Tristian, so labor at ALL can cause not only baby death, but MY death. So I get that pregnancies are hard, and it sucks, and it's hard not to worry, especially when you're on "more down then up" rest, and have nothing better to do with your days but count contractions and worry about further cervix shortening...but
I stayed positive. I was terrified, but I tried my hardest to enjoy every moment that Liam was inside of my body, growing and being healthy, because I knew that at any given time, that could change, and I didn't want to spend my days worrying about the what if's (even though I still did, but that's normal in a normal pregnancy to a point, never mind one that is less then one year after the loss of twins). I stayed positive. I had only 4 or 5 moments where I was really, like, shaking, scared. The rest of the time, I drank my water, and stayed on the couch.
All that to say, I understand. When you have lost, it's so hard to stay positive and not worry. When you know what you're up against, a mindset of "it's going to happen" often will, but you need to keep the positive "it's going to happen" not the negative. Then what do you have? Weeks of having a pregnancy that you are not appreciating because of the what-ifs.
Dopplers can help alleviate that. They can also make that much worse, because a day that was good, can turn into something horribly stressful, for no reason other then you have a hider, but who's to say that that stress because your doppler wasn't doing it's thing isn't causing harm to the baby? Who's to say dopplers daily usage is even safe (although I don't have an issue with the wake up and check, or go to bed and check, once a day re-assurance...I still don't like it, but I get that, and have no problems with it.)
We all handle things differently. Very differently. TO me, seeing a dear friend even allude to a worry because her doppler didn't find the heartbeat, it breaks my heart, especially since I am anti-doppler in the first place.
Leave the dopplers for the professionals, and if the professional gives you one, and tells your to use it, do so, but until then, check once a day, if that (or better yet, save your self the stress, there's nothing you can do anyway (yes I know, HARSH me, but, it's true :-(( )
Yeah. I get it, but...not.
13 comments:
Of course, you'd have to sneak one in the house, cause I would NEVER let you use it. (and I have a clue on how they work).
Same reason some women who smoke less than 10 a day are told to CONTINUE smoking. No reason to add stress to a pregnancy that is an at-risk.
Or why some doctors tell their pregnant ladies to have a glass of wine once a week, when feeling really stressed to calm the nerves. (Before any Fetal Alcohol nazi's show up, check the facts... F.A.S. is the same in the US as in Germany, or France, where alcohol is more favored during pregnancies).
The key to any pregnancy is creating a STRESS_FREE environment. Outside of nutrition, Stress is the biggest issue that can be addressed.
I saw that comment.. I almost deleted the post, but then felt no that is too we b md. Low blow, very low.
Here is my take on dopplers, which is different then yours. I had an earlier loss (10 weeks) I needed something at that time frame to get me through. I was a total wreak.
Maybe I was one of the lucky ones, I almost always got C's heartbeat. I thought after 10 weeks that worry would go away. It was at 11 weeks I started out right bleeding, my doctors kept telling me cervical irritation. They knew I had a doppler, and really didn't care. I checked twice a day once in the morning, once at night. I didn't freak if I couldn't hear it.
I actually put mine away once I started feeling movement, but then my water broke (outer layer). It is not true for everyone, but it was for me, once his levels got a little low, I couldn't feel any movement. I pulled the doppler back out for about a week, then ended back in the hospital, where I heard his heartbeat when ever I had a freak out (which was often).
Anyway, I think the point I am trying to make.. I think it depends on the person. I knew there wasn't anything they could do if something were to happen. I knew I had to make it to 24 weeks. But, I needed to hear it. Again, I didn't freak if I didn't hear it.
Gads sorry, story time. The point, really I have one.. Is if your prone to freak out, don't even think of one period. If you know that your not going to get the heartbeat everytime, and are okay with it, okay.
J- I had my doctor tell me not to quit smoking with C. I ended up being able to with no issues, but he did tell me the exact thing you said, it added stress to quit. He wanted me to cut down to no more then 5 a day.
Kim, yeah, it's definitively person to person. In my experience, as someone around Ultrasounds and Ultrasound techs for many many years, it's the expectation of some people that makes dopplers bad at times.
They expect technology at home to be the same as the doppler feature on the ultrasound. Or at least something close to it. Sadly it's not really, it's a glorified electric stethoscope. lol.
I'm glad to see you seem not to be that type. :D
Kim, I think that is what I was trying to get at, it's not using one I am against, it's the freaking out while using one. that's not helpful over all. If you can use one, and not have the expectation that you won't always have a result, then fine! I did not mean my post for those people (you ;) ) It is for the freakers...because really, that's not helpful at all.
how did it work anyway when C was bigger? was it better? clearer?
WHen I was preggo with the twins, I was told repeatedly that my smoking was not an issue, and not to even think about it, there was so much else going on, that smoking was back burner, if I could quit, great, if not, fine.
Same thing with Liam, they wanted my smoking down below 10 a day...
I was able to quit both times (with the twins 3 weeks before I ended up in the hossie...after the TTTS surgery) and with Liam I have stayed quit, hehee! Yay me!
Jeff loved (and he was HOT) our Dr. R in FA. He suggested that when I was having to many contrax to have wine (with the twins) after our amnio reductions. I was on board with that, but never did it, darn!
And yeah, it was a low blow comment, but I left it for now. Slap in the face it was, but not sure it was meant that way.
Like Kim, I had an earlier loss (even earlier at 6 weeks). It was nothing compared to most women I know who've had losses, but it was enough to get me thinking the craziest of thoughts.
- Ok, I got pregnant, and maybe I can again, but what if I can't STAY pregnant?
- What if that was my one shot at pregnancy?
Etc, etc, etc.
So the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy with my little guy, I was a WRECK. I waited until after the 1st time we heard the heartbeat at the doc's office to get a doppler. I'm a very anxious person to begin with, and I figured the few seconds of anxiety i had before I found the heartbeat was better than 4 weeks of anxiety in between each appointment. I knew that without it, I would ahve been waaaay stressed out. At first I didn't even use it every day because I knew that early in the pregnancy, I may not find it all the time. SO I just did it on the days I was feeling kind of negative. After I started feeling him move, I did it maybe a few times a week. SOmetimes I did it while I felt him move because I just loved hearing that sweet heart beating, and the sounds he'd make while moving.
I definitely see where you're coming from though. I can see how they can stress people out more than they do good. And sadly, I've thought the "there's nothing you can do anyway" also. I never said it out loud until I was talking to my mom about how I was checking in on him several times a night once we moved him to his own room because I was afraid he had somehow smothered himself. That's when she told me that there'd nothing I'd be able to do anyways, and oddly, I felt relieved that she said it. I still check on him if I wake up in the middle of the night and he's almost 10 months old! I've surrendered to my anxiety :)I'd rather know my baby is safe and have people think I'm a loon than be sleep deprived from staying up all night worried!
Sorry for such a ramble. And yikes, what an insensitive comment from your friend. I'm sorry for that.
Exactly Mollie. I don't have a problem with using it like that...that's how it was meant to be used...
My DD is 12, and I still check on her before bed, and if I wake up to pee, so that never goes away;)
And thank you:-)
I had to chuckle out loud about checking up on your daughter still. I think I'll probably keep the baby monitor on him when he's 18. I think I might die the day my little man moves out! How will I check up on him then!? I keep telling DH we need to have more babies soon so I can spread my crazy amongst all of them!
LOL Mollie! Might be a good idea...
and you'll check on him even then...when he's 18, his night out after he moves, it will be rough!
When C was bigger it was totally different then it was when he was little. I would play hide and seek with him when he was little (he hung out low and in my back), when he was bigger I would have it almost as soon as I put the probe on. He was still low (his head was on my right hip, and his butt was on my bladder with his feet up near my belly button. But the way he curled his back was to my belly.
With C, at first they said that the smoking is what caused all the issues, but I had been free for over 6 + weeks by the time I started having the issues. It wasn't until after he was born that they really saw what the true issue was. But that is where a lot of my guilt comes in, what if I had just quit a little sooner, cut back a little quicker. Even knowing, the smoking wasn't the issue, and being told by my OB it wasn't the issue, I still carry guilt.
I have always left the Doppler use up to the doctors because if I had one and couldn't find the hb I would be tripping out.I understand where you are coming from.
I was in shock when i seen that comment.
what comment? where did all this drama happen?
& for what it's worth, i totally get where you're coming from with the doppler use. i am NOT a fan of at-home dopplers, for me personally.
I won't even go into the potential harm they can cause... No one wants to acknowledge that.
Dopplers have their place, indeed, but like everything else in America, moderation is completely not used.
Yes, moderation is key! (For both baby health and mental health reasons!)
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