So I am sitting here....

I have no clue what to blog about, but it seems that when I start, I can just carry on, and I settle on some thing. That's been the trend anyway, not sure how well that it will work this evening.

We, well, I, but we because Jeff has to listen to grumpy boy too, have been trying to night wean. I just need rest, and so I thought maybe if Liam would sleep without constant boob attachment it would be helpful to that end? We have just started, so we'll see how it goes. Last night I did go way back on progress, we had made it to 430 am with no boob, but last night Liam slept so WELL that at 1 am, I #1 forgot what the plan was, and once I remembered I decided that #2 it's a 'reward'. He honestly slept really well for those 5 hours, just random blats here and there, which is an improvement. Jeff has been a trooper too, dealing well with Liam's protests. Part of me really wants to wait until Liam is ready to give it up, but I need sleep, regular sleep. I do plan on still nursing him through the day, and when it's "light out' in the morning, so it's a compromise I suppose. He'll get there...I just have to remember that. Until then, well, naps are great!

What else? I asked Jeff what I should blog about, but he just asked me the question right back, so I guess that answered that.

I have been posting on facebook things that I am thankful for every day, and there is one thing I am thankful for, but not sure I should post it there, because, my variety of friends there could take it with mixed feelings. I have some friends that would be upset because they couldn't get there, and some friends who think i should get over it, and move on, and some other friends who have been there, but not where I was. IT would be such a mixed bag, I'm just not sure. I know that everyone who has been 'there' understands, but at the same time, would it be being greedy or selfish? I don't know. I don't really care (ok, that's a lie...I DO care, but there are times when others feelings should take a backseat, like I said as a comment on a blog just the other day). I just know, that in the big picture I got something that any woman who has lost such as We did would LOVE to do.

I am thankful that I got the chance to hold Julian and Tristian, and tell them I loved them as they passed on.

Not every mother gets that chance when she loses her baby(ies) before they are even supposed to be here. I did. I appreciate that I did. Does it make it hurts less that they are not here? No. Does it make it hurt MORE some days? Yes. Do I realize that I was given that gift? Yes, yes I do. I may not be able to hold them every day like I did that one time, but the fact remains, I DID get to hold them, even if it was briefly, I did, and not every woman can say that.

I think that came out because I am thankful for it, and yesterday was a preemie day. I guess? I'm not sure exactly what it was all about, because as soon as I started reading a couple blogs telling the story of 'their' preemie's survival, I had to stop. I just can't travel down that road right now. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. but not today. I just can't do it today.

On a brighter note.

Thursday is my friends birthday!

Liam just blatted and fell back to sleep! Opps, no, he just came trotting out here (in his adorable half asleep state) and Jeff brought him back to bed. Liam is not impressed.

I am confused because here it is, mid-November, and a mosquito just landed on my hand.

I want to make headway with certain persons related to a certain someone, but at the same time, I have no interest. Maybe that means I don't? Maybe it means that even if I make headway now, I know it won't last, and I don't want to deal with that.

Hmmmm...my thankful facebook status today...

I am thankful for new beginnings.

O ye of little faith.